Everything we do, we do for a reason. We may or may not be aware of this reason. And yet it is there and provides the foundation for our action. Lays the foundation for what emerges from our action. Like the seed that can become a strong tree... or not!
For a long time I was absolutely not clear about why I actually do what I do. Why I do sport, why I study for exams, eat or brush my teeth. "That's the way it's done", "That's the way it's supposed to be done" or "That's the way we've always done it" were the sentences that encouraged me in my unconscious actions.
It is not easy to take responsibility for my own actions. And that's why I used to prefer to hand it over. To others, my parents, the state or the weather. There's always something, and that's why I'm now shoving a pack of Snickers into my mouth. Yeah! What was totally logical for me back then is pure compensation for me today. Compensation for circumstances, feelings and fears. That was my way, like that of so many others, to make suffering bearable, to give expression to my needs. My way of shooting that little bit of dopamine into my system and feeling for a few minutes that I was enough, loved and happy. Madness, isn't it? Pure madness that is modeled for us, presented to us by the media and cultivated by the big marketing companies. "Do THIS and you're great!", "Wear THIS and you're worth it!" The suggestion of being "not great" or "not worth it" without THAT takes place very subtly and eats deep into humanity's self-(in)consciousness. And it makes total sense, because how else can I market my product? How else can I increase sales figures? The solution to this question, which I have found for myself and am happy to share with you here, is celebrating.
The act of celebrating, also called celebrating, can be another motivation for every conceivable action, besides compensation. The difference? While compensation comes from a place of lack, of not having enough or not being enough, celebration springs from a place of fullness. "I am whole and THAT is on top of it". And that THAT is purely optional. I don't need the most expensive chilli in the world (called Charapita) in my spice rack. My happiness does not depend on it. And if I now decide to add it to my spice assortment, then that is my personal celebration. Not bound by external expectations, social conventions or a fear of not being part of the fine spice club without this outrageously expensive chilli. This chilli is emblematic of all that we give ourselves day after day and surround ourselves with. Does our action come from a place of abundance? Or do we believe that through it we are "making up for" something, "setting something straight". This is a very exciting topic to which I have become very sensitive. When I devote myself to Kakao, be it in production, answering social media messages or writing a blog entry, I more often feel inside myself and ask myself: am I celebrating THIS? Is THAT what I am doing right now an expression of my joy in life or is it serving my growth? If the answer is "No." then I take a break, drink a Kakao or go for a walk. For me, I have found that if I continue at this point, immersing myself in something that is ultimately a compensation, I end up empty-handed and, above all, without energy. If the answer is "Yes!" then I give myself fully into THAT which I am doing. I trust that THIS is exactly the right thing to do and is doing the world the greatest service possible at this moment.
And if that means scrolling through Instagram for an hour and commenting on posts from wonderful people, then THAT is it. A great example is this concept of conscious action is my yoga routine. It has been an integral part of my life for the past 3 years and comes in almost every morning (thank you Siddhantji!).
In my yoga teacher training, my teacher Siddhant told me how important it is to maintain such a routine and what a positive impact it has on life. "Do your practice for 100 days and your whole life will change!" were his words. And I still believe him. What I didn't realise at the time, however, was that I was frantically searching for something that would make me feel "whole". Something that would make me feel "okay".
And TADAA, there was the yoga routine with breathing exercises and meditation. It gave me exactly what I was missing. Great, isn't it? At first glance, maybe.... Because before I knew it, I was addicted to this routine. Couldn't do without it. A day I didn't "do" my yoga was a lost day. A day of self-recrimination and discomfort. A clear case of compensation.
I practised my yoga like this for easily a year and a half, clinging to this practice in the hope that it would finally make me a person worth loving and living for. And of course it couldn't at the deepest level of my being. What did happen, however, is that my practice gave me a certain inner stability. I increasingly felt like I was consciously deciding how much and how I practised. Until one day I felt that I could just leave the practice alone.
After just four days, I felt weak, run down and off and realised that the only thing that had changed was that I was no longer practising yoga. And from this feeling I realised for the first time what a gift this practice was and what a privilege it is for me to be able to live it. On that day, my motivation to do yoga changed. Since that day, I celebrate my morning yoga ritual and like to take time for it - sometimes up to 2 hours.
Not because I have to, not because I can't manage otherwise, but because of the beauty of the practice and all its positive influences on me and my environment. And if I don't get to it sometimes, I accept that and know that tomorrow is another day. This is a beautiful example, I think, to see that even something noble, wise and virtuous like yoga can serve compensation and lack. And at the same time, that it can and may change every day.
I feel blessed to share this story with you right after my yoga practice and hope you enjoyed reading this post. I really look forward to hearing your feedback or a like. <3 With love, your Mischa