Bright blue sky and sunshine over Eibelstadt near Würzburg. -7°C make the human, animal and plant world freeze and pause. For me and my Kakao fairy Anka it is clear that this is no weather to pack Kakao. We're still shipping out those hasty Valentine's Day orders and heading outside. Breathe, be free, chat with strolling retirees and just let things be. A Hawaiian mantra rings in my ears. It's not uncommon for me to spend 7 days in a row standing, doing and getting things done at the Kakao factory. After the seventh day at the latest, I have noticed, I start to forget. Myself, my vision and the reasons for what I do. I can no longer see the light or the reason for all the to-do lists and mountains of e-mails. This is also the moment when my body signals me that enough is enough. When my bones get heavy and my heart feels dull. As if it were far away. Yet I have done everything "right"!
Surrounding myself with beautiful people (my clients), doing the right things (all about Kakao) and doing yoga every day, meditating and maybe even taking a cold shower! And yet there it is, the emptiness. That emptiness that teaches me humility by showing me that life is not a race. That it is not primarily about being more, doing more and achieving more. Again and again I may learn that the goal of my existence here is to experience myself in my nature, my truth and my uniqueness. Me as a human being, me as an inner child, me as an entrepreneur, me as a lover, me as a player, me as a feeler, me as a flusher. To give space to all these facets, trusting that the world takes me as I am. My being is welcome. I am allowed to show myself exactly with it, and in spite of that, I achieve all that I strive for.
How else could I make a lasting impression on the world, if not with my innermost truth, with the core of my being, my essence. And that doesn't fit on a To Do list. It lies behind it. It underpins what I do, as long as I respect myself, my body and my boundaries. If I don't, I am promptly reminded. Sometimes gently and sometimes by a universal slap in the face.
After 7 days of hustle, there is at least one, if not two or three, days off. A mini-retirement where everything is allowed and need have nothing to do with Kakao. A time when my phone stays in do not disturb mode all day and I just push away any call that does somehow get through. Just away! The tax office can wait - paper is patient, the man from the food control department told me. And mom will understand that, I know she will. <3 Only in this space does my essence find me again, only in this detachment do I find my way back to my vision of a world that is free and light, just like me on this day. And it always takes courage for me.... What if that was the "decisive call"? What if customer XY needs her Kakao very urgently for this very special full moon ceremony? THEN I can't help either. THEN it means in this case: No to you is yes to me. And that is radical. Radically honest, radically courageous and radically important. For me, that's the epitome of delimitation. Of keeping and respecting my own, self-chosen boundaries. English: Boundaries.
And the more often I stand up for my boundaries, the more often I am rewarded. The less the world demands of me. Because it's only when we don't set our boundaries clearly that we feel pressured, overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Then we forget. Then we have bad cards and are soo busy. Today, I choose to let go. To just accept what needs to be done right now and be relaxed about it. To write these lines and know that when it feels right for me, that's enough. And it can be at any time. Maybe now? Or now? Yes, I realize it is time. My day is taking its course, 3 more items on the to do list and that's it. Tonight I'm meeting with my vision sister Eva Lara for a chat. Maybe there will be Kakao. Hopefully there will be snacks. I love my life. I love you. Thank you for hearing me.
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