Birthday good luck?

Hello dear reader,

Today I'm sharing something with you that very few people know about me and that I've only known about myself for a few years. 

And it's no coincidence that I'm doing this on September 11th.

On my birthday.

It goes into the depths and darkness.
Be warned.

As you can see in the picture, I am lucky to have had many beautiful moments on my birthday. 

But something happened in my teenage years that would change that.

Relatively at the same time as the onset of depression, an inexplicable and shameful skin disease and domestic violence, a fear developed - especially before my birthday.

I still remember the feeling when I looked at the clock in the never-ending Latin class and shuddered at the time 11:09.

The plane crash in 2001 certainly contributed to this feeling and the numerous minutes of silence dedicated to mourning in schools and other institutions on this day, mine.

It got to the point where I started hiding my birth date or pretending my birthday was September 12th. Because I didn't want to add the 3,000 people who died in the accident to my already existing shame.

So I cowered, ashamed and refused... until I finally numbed myself. Over a decade.

It wasn't until 3 years ago that this dream caught up with me again and I found myself crying on my yoga mat for seemingly no reason, with the feeling in my chest that I was worthless.

Since then, I've seen him every year on September 11th and the days before, little Mischa, who took it all and couldn't do anything about it.

All I needed was love, attention and most of all understanding .

And what I wanted to hear were the words that I have been printing continuously for 4 years with a total circulation of over 1,000,000 copies:

You are loved.

You will be seen.

You are important.

You are valuable.

And I won't stop until every manipulative billboard in town bears these words. Until the children of every low-income family like mine can read it.

What I am still allowed to experience on my birthday is everyday life for too many people.

My birthday is my anchor for all the good and bad that has happened to me. And my memory of where and why I came into this world. A holiday as well as a day of remembrance.

And it feels good not to have to be happy on this day of mine. It feels good to be in the presence of people who appreciate my tears as much as my smile.

And it feels good to give today.

That's why I started a fundraising campaign on Instagram and Facebook . For my home country, Ukraine. The country in which I was born 31 years ago.

I am deeply pleased if we can make this fundraising campaign a success together. 🥹

About Misch

The word that comes to me often in the last days is grace.

The grace of being alive
to be able to experience so many facets of life.
The pain and also the joy.
To be allowed to cry without knowing why.
To be allowed to laugh for no reason.
And everything in between.

And the highest grace for me is
to have found the person
for whom I can be me.
From the heart.

Thanks Anka.

Thank you mom & dad.

In love,
Your Misha