Bin ich noch wertvoll? Kakao-Enthusiast Mischa

Imagine you are an entrepreneur (maybe you are?) and you have this one dream. The dream of being unattached, financially free and able to travel wherever you want. Isn't that a fabulous dream? You set everything in motion, do and do, reach many people, who in turn value what you give to the world so much that they tell their loved ones, relatives and hairdressers about it without being asked. The rush is getting bigger and bigger and you can't help but ask other loving souls for help with the work and reward them for it. A momentum develops, an organism that lives, breathes and also needs a break now and then.

And then, after almost 3 years, the time has come: You break out! Into the wide world. Under the guise of a business assignment. But deep inside you feel that you are about to fulfill this one dream from the beginning of our fantasy journey. That dream that felt so far away that every now and then it became a reverie. You remember those voices that told you from the beginning that it couldn't be that simple. And those who said that maybe the others could do it, but not you. All those voices... They suddenly sound like an old radio program. Compared to before, you suddenly no longer ask yourself whether they are broadcasting the truth, because you feel and see that it is not so. 

So you set off into the big wide world, while your beautiful flower of a home-based business continues to bloom and post record personal sales. 

One night, you lie awake in bed in your Airbnb somewhere warm and suddenly see your former dream rising before you. A soap bubble, shiny and charged with longings of the past. The bubble rises up to the ceiling of the room, winks at you once more and... 


There you lie, robbed of your dream, yet in your dreamed reality. How does it feel? I can tell you how it feels to me, empty. Even though smart startup advisors are now patting me on the back and lighting a sparkler for me, it doesn't change the inner emptiness that flooded my being the last few days. 

Every now and then I can make friends with the lack of desire, breathe into the emptiness and do what I feel like doing. Until I lie in bed again at night and stare at the ceiling. Yes, I have visions for a better world, yes I have To Do lists and I have built up something from which many people profit. 

But what I have lost now is my inner fire. My longing for the here and now as well as the excitement for what tomorrow holds. Instead of riding forward, it feels like I'm standing on the sidelines smoking a sports cigarette (just to reinforce the metaphor of course). 

I remember back when everything was "iffy," there was something to lose. Pressure, tension and excitement persisted and created a beautiful, intense and hard roller coaster. Never would I have thought that this roller coaster would fill my being to such an extent, and that it would be the one that would bless me with my fire. Now it is time for me to take my loops into my own hands. To consciously enter unknown territories and to fall on my face again. And I feel my body reacting as I write these lines here. How something is igniting. I cannot and will not rest on what has been created.

Of course our value lies in being, but so much it wants to penetrate through our being to the outside, to take shape and to contribute. 

Through value-full being let value-full arise. Again and again anew! 

What this means exactly, you and I will see soon... 

Thank you for your attention, and that you see me in my weakness and finding. 

No matter how far we seem to be, we are always at the beginning. 

In flickering love, 

Your Mischa

Translated with (free version)

Written by Mischa Levit
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