Bin ich noch wertvoll? Kakao-Enthusiast Mischa

Imagine you are an entrepreneur (maybe you are?) and you have this one dream. The dream of independence, financial freedom and being able to travel wherever you want. Isn't that a fabulous dream? You set everything in motion, do and act, reach many people who in turn value what you give to the world so much that they tell their loved ones, relatives and hairdressers about it without being asked. The demand grows ever greater and you cannot avoid asking other loving souls for help with the work and paying them for it. A dynamic of its own develops, an organism that lives, breathes and also needs a break now and again.

And then, after almost 3 years, the time has come: you break out! Into the wide world. Under the guise of a business assignment. But deep inside you feel that you are about to fulfill that one dream from the beginning of our fantasy journey. This dream that felt so far away that it sometimes became a daydream. You remember those voices that told you from the beginning that it couldn't be that easy. And those who claimed that the others could do it, but you couldn't. All these voices... They suddenly sound like an old radio broadcast. Compared to before, you suddenly no longer ask yourself whether they are broadcasting the truth, because you feel and see that it is not so.

So you set off into the big wide world, while your beautiful flower of a company continues to bloom at home and records personal record sales.

One night you lie awake in bed in your Airbnb somewhere warm and suddenly see your dream rising up in front of you. A soap bubble, shiny and charged with longings from the past. The soap bubble rises up to the ceiling of the room, winks at you again and...

bursts.

There you lie, robbed of your dream, but still in your dreamed reality. How does that feel? I can tell you how it feels for me, namely empty. Even if clever startup advisors pat me on the shoulder and light a sparkler for me, that doesn't change the inner emptiness that has flooded my being for the last few days.

Every now and then I can make friends with the lack of longing, breathe into the emptiness and do what I feel like doing. Until I'm lying in bed at night staring at the ceiling. Yes, I have visions for a better world, yes I have to-do lists and I have built something that many people benefit from.
But what I have now lost is my inner fire. My longing for the here and now and the excitement of what tomorrow will bring. Instead of riding forward, it feels like I am standing on the sidelines smoking a sports cigarette (just to reinforce the metaphor, of course).

I remember back then, when everything was "uncertain" and there was something to lose. Pressure, tension and excitement continued and created a beautiful, intense and hard rollercoaster. I would never have thought that this rollercoaster would fill my being so much and that it would bless me with my fire. Now it's time for me to take my loops into my own hands. To consciously enter unknown territories and fall flat on my face again. And I feel how my body reacts as I write these lines. How something is igniting. I cannot and do not want to rest on my laurels.

Of course, our value lies in our being, but it wants to emerge, take form and contribute through our being.

Creating something valuable through being valuable. Again and again!

What exactly that means, you and I will soon seeÔÇŽ

Thank you for your attention and for seeing me in my weakness and discovery.

No matter how far we seem to have come, we are always at the beginning.

In flickering love,
Your Mischa

Written by Mischa Levit
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